i wear a coat of feelings and they are loud

i was a sensitive child. that is probably putting it mildly. if someone even looked at me the wrong way, i might just burst into tears. my mother likes to recount a story of just such an occasion, when she apparently told me to stop crying, and i replied by saying, "i can't help it! i've got big feelings." even though i was really little when it took place, it is probably one of the greatest truths i have ever uttered. days like these make me realize absolutely NOTHING has changed. in many ways, am still the five year old who cannot stop crying.

being a person with such "big feelings" also has it's merits i suppose, because whereas you are very likely to find me crying during a good book or movie, you are equally as likely (if not more so) to witness me in the middle of a spell of side-splitting laughter. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if at times my feeling a little down can consume me, when I feel joy, I feel it to the tips of my toes.

to refer back to my previous post, things are changing. so rapidly. many of the changes are some of the happiest i will make in my lifetime, but that being said, the little girl with big feelings seems to be having some trouble coping this week. ahhh tomorrow is another day. thank god for that.

hold time

He was still too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies thee good, and that thanks to this artifice we manage to endure the burden of the past. -Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

A few weeks ago I took this book on a road trip with me to Stillwater. I ended up having a day mostly to myself while on the trip, and I spent the majority of it just sitting in a coffee shop downtown thinking about life and reading this book. When I came across this quote, for some reason it really struck a chord.

It is a very surreal feeling to visit a place you once lived. Even though I haven't been gone that long, it seems like a lifetime ago. So much within me has changed since I left. Of course this should come as no surprise because with the passage of time always comes change. We cannot avoid it or stop it, no matter how hard we try, and believe me, I have put up a pretty good fight against change during my lifetime. It makes me uncomfortable. Honestly, I just love for things to stay normal and comfortable, but alas, the world has other plans. The funny thing is, it wasn't until I actually drove into town on Perkins that I realized just how out of place I felt there and just how much I had changed since my time there, which was, at the time, a very unexpected feeling. I think this quote was so meaningful and applicable to me because since leaving, I have managed to only retain the good memories of my time there: the house Jennifer and I shared on Gray Street, JC's pep talks, Jimmyisms, snuggling with Stelly in our bed, late night dance parties to the tune of Nicotine and Gravy, etc, etc. As I sat sipping my coffee, I thought of how incredible it really is that even the times in our life where we were enduring struggles can still be remembered with a smile. It just makes me so thankful for all of those people and good memories that allow me to look back upon that time, even though it feels like forever ago, with nothing but appreciation and side-splitting laughter (cue jc rapping to little wayne in the kitchen).


Song of the Day: "Goodbye Good Luck," Thao with the Get Down Stay Down

the native hue of resolution

hello and welcome. to begin with, this endeavor is motivated by reasons both personal and academic. for the longest time, I refused to start one of these things simply because i do not flatter myself enough to think that people actually care what i have to say. however, i am pleased to say, for the time being i have dismissed that particular fear. that is not to say i wouldn’t welcome feedback; nevertheless even if nobody reads ever reads this, i will still be accomplishing the goal at hand.

i feel as if introductions need to be made. i'm kaitlyn. how do you do?

i have an endearing, if not at times totally and completely ridiculous dog named stella, and i adore her. i love being a student. the possessions i treasure most in this world can either be read or listened to. i have an amazing family that is forever growing and changing and thus, teaching me more each day about what it means to love, suffer, struggle, and persevere. i have a handful of friends who are complete gems and boy that has given me the world (or at least a giant map of it). i am incredibly clumsy, a pretty poor driver, and have a horrible habit of biting my fingernails.


i have absolutely no idea what this blog will consist of as of yet, so for the time being, let me label it as an arbitrary assortment of things, which will hopefully produce some sort of direction. stay tuned ladies and gents.


song of the day: bob dylan, "i want you"